Wednesday, 22 June 2011

  • the Big two-owh

    it's official then. bye bye teenager :)

    stuck in between, no longer a teen nevertheless not yet an adult.

    so many things have changed, and yet so many things still seem the same. all we can do is take what we can and make the best out of what we have.

     

     

    Sing like no one's listening; Love like you've never been hurt; Dance like nobody's watching, and Live like it's heaven on earth - Mark Twain

     

Friday, 06 May 2011

  • why

    just kill me now seriously.honestly, why the fuck do i bother anyway? it's so damn frustrating. argh.

    i fucking compromise on my fucking education (seriously who the fuck comes here and expect to learn anything fucking useful?!), surround myself with fucktarts, save up and try to cut down expenses as much as possible and for what? just so you can spend more money on useless things instead of fucking saving up some money so the rest of your children dont have to come to countries with fuckable reputation to finish their education.

     

    what's gotten me so wound up? well i'm going on some fucking trip to bandung during the summer for some medical fucking helping out the motherfuckers who need help thing. and we're flying air asia (duh). so i've been really busy and got my mom to get my ticket for me. other people pay around rm300 for a round trip, my fucking ticket came up to rm 500.

    seriously. where do all the extra money come from? well lets see. my mom thinks i'm going there shopping so i can travel heavy so she chose a larger luggage allowance ergo i have to pay an additional rm 50 per trip. jeesh cant she be more practical?! besides, my sister is the one who travels heavy, not me.

    then, she has to go and reserve a seat for me. yea with air asia, if you reserve "nice" seats i.e. in the front where you get served first etc you have to pay additional money. if you just reserve normal seats, you pay less. if you dont reserve, you dont have to pay. just free seating on that day. okay i have no idea why she has to reserve me a seat in the expensive zone.

    one, it's air asia. you dont even get free meals so who cares where they fucking start serving?!

    two, its a short flight. it really isnt worth it to pay for seats with "more leg room". the seat she reserved for me doesnt even fucking have more leg room than the seats in the middle.

    three, i'm travelling in a fucking group. the fucking leader will probably want us all to seat together and mingle and brief us or whatever the fuck it is they wanna do so i'll most probably just forfeit my seat that day.

     

    urghhhhhh. and i was in such a good mood. go on and just fuck up all the tiny moments where i can feel happy while surrounded by fucktarts. thats what everyone here aims to do right, fucking fuck up every fucking little thing.

Sunday, 24 April 2011

  • thoughts.

    i'm not sure if this applies to everyone, but i feel we take people and things for granted way too many times, and never seem to realize until it's too late. sure, a lot of people have said it before me, but only now do i really feel how much i've taken all those who love me and i love for granted.

     

    i'm sorry for taking all my opportunities for granted. i'm sorry for not realizing how liberating it can feel to play the piano whenever i wanted to let off some steam. i miss playing duets with you. i miss all my dance lessons and all the challenges it brought. i miss how i dont have to think of a routine to dance if i wanted. i miss all the fun i had in all my classes.

    i'm sorry for taking my pampered lifestyle for granted. i'm sorry to take all the wonderful things at home that i had for granted. i'm sorry for taking basic things like a normal sized shower and ventilation and all my free space for granted. i miss the solitude that i had. i complained all the time about driving but at times i'd do anything to have a car to bring me to and fro. 

    i'm sorry for taking my family and friends for granted. i cherish all the relationship and ties we have built. i miss all our inside jokes. i miss how i can speak what's on my mind freely to people who understand me. i miss how sometimes a glance or a touch is all it takes to lift my spirits up, even if it was only for those few hours. i miss your silent encouragement that was always there with me, no matter if you agreed with me or not. i love and thank you for accepting me the way i am, with all my flaws. i miss how you would ask me how i was doing, even if there was nothing much going on. i miss how you can sense when i have something on my mind. i love the way you know when to push me, or just be there for me. i miss all our healthy competition. i miss your presence. i miss you.

     

    right now i'm trying all i can and doing my best to maintain what i can. but sometimes your best just isnt enough. what more am i supposed to do when my best isnt enough?

     

     

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

  • grow up.

    seriously. how many fucking years have you spent on earth? how is it possible that the fact that the world is not a happy happy joy joy place hasnt sunken into your head?!

    innocence in kids are normal and occasionally cute.

    this degree of innocence and naivete in people our age is just one word. annoying.

    and preposterous and ridiculous and oh so what-the-fuck-and-where-the-fuck-have-you-been-living-all-these-years.

     

    seriously.

     

    common sense that everyone should know and yet so many people here dont know number one: we look out for others whenever possible but it's a dog eat dog world out there. survival of the fittest etc.

    common sense that everyone should know and yet so many people here dont know number two: money speaks.

    common sense that everyone should know and yet so many people here dont know number three: what you know counts, but WHO you know counts more.

     

     

    seriously. gahhhh. living amongst malaysians in moscow is so not healthy for me. i can literally die of heart attack or high blood pressure or just get plain brain dead by their sheer stupidity.

    arghhhhhh

Sunday, 20 March 2011

  • another sophia rant

    where do i even start? sighhh

    everyone's entitled to their own opinion. yes. we all know that. but that doesnt mean you can or have to go around friggin enforcing your opinion on everyone. i like contemporary dances. i like watching videos of such dances on youtube.

    yes, sophia, i know you dont like contemporary dances (blasphemy! ;p ) you've told me so before. which is why i no longer show you any nice videos. jeesh. yes you loveeeee ballet. the friggin classical ballet until cannot classical anymore type. i dont. i prefer contemp over classical ballet. you dont see me forcing my opinion onto you all the time.

    and so what if the dancer's dont fully turn out, or keep their posture ramrod straight? what is that you say? you dont see their expressions enough? they are a fucking gazzilion times better than you. and no one is perfect. and contemp isn't all about ballet turn outs and posture.

    seriously. normally i just ignore her, but hello. she friggin bashed kids dancing. these kids are a million better times than her. just cos they arent dancing a style she lovessss she picks on every little thing. oh my god they're friggin good and especially at such a young age! stop friggin bashing already unless you want me to literally bash your face in.

     

    fuck off bitch.

     

    :D